“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.”
If I haven’t learned anything else in the last year, it’s the essential act of boundary setting. You might be saying, “Lacey, why only in the last year? Haven’t you been around longer than that?”
Good question. You are not wrong in asking. I THOUGHT I had decent boundaries with people. But when I woke up to the truth- that I was actually quite accommodating and codependent in how I decided my “boundaries”, I knew I had missed the lesson, again and again.
“What’s the lesson, Lacey?!”
Never negotiate my being ever again. It is not open to discussion or reconsideration.
Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of situations up for discussion, even negotiation. It’s imperative in relationships to be able to navigate differences. But what happened was my BEING, my VALUES, my INTEGRITY, my TRUTH, was up for discussion, and I participated- either by saying nothing, skirting around the issue, speaking THEIR truth, or allowing them to do and say what met their needs, disregarding my own.
My boundaries were movable, bendable, negotiable. I set them based on external pressures, expectations, and what I THOUGHT would make people love me and not abandon me, what would get me approval.
I negotiated my worth, self-respect, and authenticity.
January 2018 began a grueling physical detachment from what I knew my life to be; home, for the first time in 10 years, was up to me and only me to define absent of a partner/spouse. I had awakened to hard truths regarding my reality and knew it was going to take some grit to stay the course and not be side-swiped (again) by manipulation tactics and mind fucks from the other person involved.
One day in January, my therapist said one word to me that shifted everything- LIMITS.
Limits, Lacey. Got it. Limits. What are my limits?
Since then, I have been on a journey of defining my limits, my nonnegotiables that will get a person ejected from my life without pause. I trust my intuition, unafraid to ask questions, proud to state my wants and needs. I seek connections with people who operate in this way within themselves because…why the hell would I do anything else?
You can do whatever you want; I do not have to stay around or entertain any of it.
Internal freedom. Grounded. Taking no shit.
The work is real and worth it. And bumming off yesterday’s post, the more intentional I am in this practice, the more I expect freedom, love and true connections to flow freely in and through my life. I am enough just as I am.
So are you.