The Bad 'S' Word: What Would You Do Without 'Should'?
Have you ever gotten so fed up with yourself, you've thought, "Gah! Living in a hole would be better than doing what I'm doing right now"?
I can't be the only one. Right?.......
[one timid person raises their hand. and then another, and another...]
OK, phew. Thank you for showing up honest with this one.
I don't mean to speak for you, but I can bet in some way, you have experienced that dreadful feeling in the pit of your stomach when we felt like there was no way out of a situation- the one that forces us on our face and admit that we have not been paying attention.
"Huh? Paying attention to what, Lacey? I'm doing what I should be doing. Isn't that good enough, damn?"
The answer is no! HELL NO!
"should" can die. R.I.P.
"Should" is not for your life, warrior. It will get you steamrolled, bulldozed, burned, and left for dead quicker than you can say "Hot Cross Buns". The word is a dreamkiller, life-sucker, a ball pit with a one-eyed monster, lurking and waiting to eat you alive.
So stop using it. Give yourself the space to explore what it is you want without the s-word being a factor.
Ask yourself, "I am eliminating 'should' from my lexicon all together, AND what do I want?".
What is it? What do you want? How can you carve out spaces in your life to make it happen? What resources are accessible and how can you get creative to obtain ones you don't have but you know will be beneficial to your success.
I'm not only referring to professional endeavors either. Too quickly, we hand over our power because life is forever evolving and we remain in places, relationships, cycles of trauma, and self-sabotage far longer than we ever intended (oh, do I have my share of this...and you will have to wait for the second book to read those stories). Next thing we know, it's been a decade, and external circumstances have "improved". Maybe success has come in the form of a great job offer or an incredible life partner. Yet we may find that we aren't any more fulfilled with who we are as a person. That is heartbreaking, and your gifts, talents, emotional well being, and over badassery matter more than you give yourself the space to acknowledge.
What "should"s are keeping you shut off? How can you recognize what they are, and how do you shift that false narrative and belief system from you wanting to live in a hole to thriving and living your best life?
I'll share some things I've done to help keep me centered through some of the harshest storms. But for now, I want you to write and reflect. Read this post again and either highlight or write down the questions that are posed above. Then sit with your answers for 10 minutes. Notice what it feels like in your body when you read what is it is that keeps you feeling stuck with no options. For me, it's like someone sat on my chest- heavy, feeling of panic, and desperation to get the f*** away from everything and everyone. Yeah, its not cute.
Practice sitting with yourself when you complete your writing, and recognize what comes up for you. It's a small way to check in and be able to not only say " I should be over this issue by now", but recognize where that feelings lives in your body.
What you want deserves some attention, so allow yourself that time WITHOUT GUILT (.....that's a whole other blog post, yo).
And if you want some guidance and conversation to help break some of this down, contact me here. No, I am not a therapist nor do I have any desire to be yours. However the conflict you're holding IS something I am more than happy to strategize with you.
Be gently with yourself.